Thoughts from a novice kinkster.

Perhaps I should start with a little background to my journey into kink. I’m a middle aged, straight, working class man. I thought I was as vanilla as they come, but boy was I wrong!

My journey into kink began with a cam site. I had used cam sites for a number of years until I became a regular of a particular lady who also happened to be a rather wonderful pro domme.

And here is where I ‘lucked out’ as the Americans like to say. I think for a person with no previous experience of kink or the kinkster lifestyle, the first introduction to the scene can be make or break. Of course, the most important thing is for a person to actually acknowledge their interest and desire for the non-vanilla lifestyle in the first place, but to be introduced/coaxed/tutored by a caring and knowledgeable exponent of the ‘dark arts’ was very significant in my own particular experience.

I have come to the conclusion. perhaps wrongly, that novice kinksters fall into three loose groups.

1. Those who know they are into kink, and know what they like, but are relatively inexperienced.
2. Those who know they are into kink, but have no idea of their particular predilections and have no practical experience of kink.
3. Those who never realised they were into kink, or what ‘branch/branches’ of kink interested them or even that they existed.

Number 3 pretty much summed myself up until about 2 years ago. A whole lifetime of conforming to what I thought society would consider to be normal. Until I realised that normal is anything you want it to be as long as it involves the consent of two or more adults.

So what did I think of kink before I really knew what kink was? To be quite frank, I thought it was weird stuff for weird people. I know, I’m sorry but I was very uneducated in such matters. I thought that people who liked to be beaten/tied/whipped/paddled  were slightly addled. If you were the person doing the aforesaid whippings then you had to be a very nasty individual. I couldn’t have been further from the truth. My experience of BDSM has been nothing but pleasurable. To say nothing of revelatory. My personal experience of an experienced, sadistic dominatrix, is of a person who is, cruel but kind, stern but playful. Intelligent, articulate and above all mindful of the needs of her submissive’.  This is a far cry from my previous vision of a man hating, latex clad woman with a chip on her shoulder and a whip in her hand! Kink in the form of BDSM is not a one way street. As much as the submissive gives to the dominant, the dominant gives to the submissive. Trust, consent and the acknowledgment of this fact is at the root of any proper D/s interaction, whether as part of a paid service, or a personal relationship.

So what has being an active kinkster taught me about other kinksters? Hey! Guess what? They are just ordinary people, like you, and me, and the couple down the street. Perhaps they are more in touch with their desires and feelings. Perhaps they are just the people who have managed to throw off the shackles of Victorian guilt. I just know I’m glad I’m now one of you. If you’re reading this and have thought of kink but been too scared to try it, jump on in. The water is lovely and I promise we don’t bite. Unless you want us to!

So what has kink taught me and given to me over the last two years? For starters, it gets you to ask yourself the question ‘will I like this?’ If the answer is yes then I crack on and do it. If the answer is maybe then I think ‘perhaps I will try this at some time in the future’. And if the answer is no then that’s just fine. Everyone has their niche of fetishes. Everyone doesn’t have to like everything. One of the main things kink has taught me, is that I have no need to feel shame for either being  interested or uninterested in any particular fetish. If I am enjoying my kink, harming no one else by doing it, and doing it with mutual consent, then I am doing nothing wrong.

So what has kink done for me as a person? Well for starters it has given me confidence and a belief in myself that I know what I like and it’s ok to like it. I have gained a certain amount of mental calm at some pretty difficult moments in my life. I have liberation from my old notions that this particular thing was ‘wrong’, or that this particular thing was ‘right’. I have of course gained a large amount of sexual pleasure from many of my experiences. And lastly, it has given me a great expectation of what the kink world has in store for me in the future. Happy days!

You can teach an old dog new tricks, and pretty filthy ones at that too!