Aftercare is a crucial part of the BDSM experience. It makes sure that, after the intensity and mental drifting of a session, a submissive can come back to reality and experience the physical, mental, and emotional care that they require.
Dominant Thoughts
But what about the Dominant when it comes to the aftercare stage?
Typically, they’ll be thinking about the care their sub needs, tending to any sore spots that need treatment, degrees of physical contact, and so much more.
Their mind may also be racing with questions about how the session went, where their subs mind is at, and (of course) the next scene.
This may also mean that, for all the buzzing their brain is doing, they may overlook just how important the relaxing element of aftercare is for both parties, themselves included.
What Can Be Done?
Obviously, the Dominant in this situation has a role they can play.
Knowing how important calming the mind after a scene is means that a Dominant can practice self-care (checking their own needs).
But, beyond this, Submissives can also have a crucial role to play in aftercare. This allows for a sense of mutual appreciation too, as you both ground each other in different ways but with the same nurturing intent at heart.
But how is this done? Here are our suggestions.
How To Care For Your Dominant?
There are many ways a Submissive can care for their Dominant but taking into account the scene is usually a great first step.
Did your Dominant do a lot of impact or rope play on you? It could be that their body is aching and could benefit from a massage.
You could even make this an act of mutual care by having a joint massage session, tending to each other.
Mentally and emotionally your Dominant might still be buzzing and could very well need some water or a nice warm beverage to help ground and hydrate themselves.
If you’re both messy then a joint shower where you wash and caress them might be appreciated (though usually they turn out more comical in practice). And if your bath is big enough you may be able to do something more decadent.
Just remember that, as a Submissive, your Dominant may not appreciate it if you try to ‘take the lead’ on aftercare. It may even be best to let them know your intent if aftercare is something they pride themselves on.
Informed and enthusiastic sexual actions are important, after all, and aftercare is still technically part of a BDSM session so make your boundaries clear as you venture towards your joint aftercare efforts.
Tried And Tested
Aftercare can be difficult ground to tread but it sometimes pays to remember that aftercare has a lot of universal merit as well as some general go-to’s as well.
What works for the Submissive can work for the Dominant and things like a blanket, lots of hugs, kissing, and general tenderness may be just what they need too.
Just remember: Sex, even in relationships involving a power dynamic, is a mutually considered act. The more you both respect and care for each other’s needs the more you’ll get out of the relationship and the better your BDSM endeavours will be.
Great topic! I wish more subs would read this…
I actually stopped heavily promoting my BDSM services primarily because I continually found myself dealing with utterly selfish subs, who just fundamentally did not understand the degree of preparation, skill, and control necessary to craft excellent scenes (although I never expect any less from myself). To me, they require much more than more mainstream encounters, but I was continually met with the attitude that I was doing less.
So subs, if you’ve had an excellent time with your Mistress, the least you could do is tell her… and you’d best consider doing more.