Figuring out oral sex.  

How I finally out how to make oral sex work for me.


Up until last year, I was not a fan of receiving oral sex. I was (and still am) a huge fan of giving oral sex, but not receiving it. Why? People either had a habit of making me feel bad for the look of my vulva (unsurprisingly, he was a douche), or they were just really really bad at it, and I came away with what felt like bruises – noses are dangerous weapons! There’s also the fact that I can get uncomfortable really quickly during oral due to one body part or another playing up. Basically, oral sex was always way more stressful than relaxing, and figuring out oral sex sounded too complicated. So for years, I went without. 

However, this year, I’ve gained a new appreciation for oral sex, in part due to necessity. There were been many times where the combination of vibrations and some penis in vagina action were not enough for my clit, but there was only so much we could do. My body was limited to certain actions, particularly post-hospital as I had no strength or stamina. I was determined to figure out how oral sex works best for me, and this time I wasn’t just settling for what was happening. I was bossy, slightly demanding, and for once I gave myself permission to let go.

Figuring out oral sex will be different for everyone, but here’s how I finally figured it out for me!

Cushions, so many cushions.

…for both of you. I have a cushion under my hips, head, feet, and butt, even then sometimes I need more under my arms. My body is a fickle thing, so I pad it out as much as I need to. I also can’t hold my legs up when they’re splayed somewhat, so I put three or four cushions on each side to help.

Granted, this point requires lots of cushions, but I see that more as an excuse to go cushion shopping!

Find the position that works. 

Sitting on a chair? Sofa? Legs spread on the bed? Experiment, and find out what works best. Depending on the day, and even time of day will change whether it’s easier for us on the sofa with a leg up, or on the bed lying down. There’s no ‘right’ way, which means there’s no wrong way.


Sometimes music is necessary as my brain wonders, a lot. So, we’ll usually play some music just to distract my far too active brain, and it works like a charm! As there are more than two things to concentrate on, I’m no longer wondering about the news, work, or whatever else pops into my brain.


It had to be here somewhere! Everyone’s body is different, and even then what gets you off might differ from day to day. Communicate with your partner, and let them know if they’re doing something, right, wrong, or if they could be doing something else. Sometimes, a little added stimulation is needed, and that’s fine! 

I also tend to check in from time to time, just to make sure my partner has plenty of air down there. 

Take a Break

… have a KitKat! Sorry, I couldn’t resist.

Sometimes, either you or your partner needs a break. Oral sex can be a lot of stimulation, and if you need time to do something else – kiss, touch each other, rehydrate, etc, you should do it! There’s no rush to the finish line, it’s all about taking your time, and enjoying yourself.

Stop if you need to.

This falls under ‘communication’, but it needs to be said. If you start, and everything is going great, but then your brain won’t play ball, or your body just isn’t responding, you can stop. You’re allowed to stop. The same for your partner.

Years ago when people went down on me, I ended up twiddling my thumbs because I had no clue what to do, it wasn’t pleasurable (no matter what they insisted), and I wasn’t really in the mood. It was a bad situation, but knowing that I can call it off whenever I want, and getting my partner to agree to the same (I didn’t want to hurt his jaw), was the key to finally relaxing enough to enjoy myself.

Figuring out oral sex might take some time, or you might have it down. Remember there’s no rush, figure it out at your own pace, and do things that you enjoy.


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