Finding My Self-Confidence

Go back five years and you wouldn’t recognise me. I was drowning in despair, convinced I was going to be alone forever. Always berating myself for not being thinner, smarter, prettier, funnier, fitter, healthier … more normal. Or at least what I considered normal. I wanted to not have a broken brain, to not hate myself, to feel like I was worthy of the friends who loved me for who I was.

Thoughts from  a novice kinkster.

Perhaps I should start with a little background to my journey into kink. I’m a middle aged, straight, working class man. I thought I was as vanilla as they come, but boy was I wrong!

My journey into kink began with a cam site. I had used cam sites for a number of years until I became a regular of a particular lady who also happened to be a rather wonderful pro domme.

And here is where I ‘lucked out’ as the Americans like to say. I think for a person with no previous experience of kink or the kinkster lifestyle, the first introduction to the scene can be make or break. Of course, the most important thing is for a person to actually acknowledge their interest and desire for the non-vanilla lifestyle in the first place, but to be introduced/coaxed/tutored by a caring and knowledgeable exponent of the ‘dark arts’ was very significant in my own particular experience.

Sex and Antidepressants: Balancing Expectations

Getting hot and heavy with your partner, bodies meshed in a sweaty clamour of desire, you find yourself reaching that threshold before the release. It builds, swells inside of you. You close your eyes to revel in that point where your body finally tips over the edge but, suddenly, nothing. Complete and utter bodily apathy.

No matter how much you want it—no matter how close you are—you can’t reach that ever-familiar climax that you adore so much.

What is happening?

You’ve just started taking antidepressants, but this isn’t meant to happen…is it?

Unfortunately, the answer is more complex than a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ but, know this much—you’re certainly not alone.

Her: How To Put Female Pleasure First (And Why You Might Want To)

Whereas in the past fringe genders and the gender spectrum itself have struggled to gain validation we are slowly, but very surely, making progress when it comes to the acknowledgement and inclusion of the many rather than relying on gender norms. The same can be said about gender equality, which is being approached and considered with new (and broader) cultural vigour.

But the inclusion and equality of all genders doesn’t discredit the validity of cisgender, heterosexual identity, nor dynamics and, in this framework, sometimes it’s still some people’s extreme desire to treat their lady (or to be treated as such).

beautiful dark vampire woman with black mantle and hood halloween

Learning my Sexuality

It started with an innocent comment but my friend’s response made it clear it wasn’t the sort of thing you were supposed to say. The way she reacted you would have thought I’d said something really shocking; as she quickly dismissed my comment, reiterated that I “have a boyfriend”, and told me because I liked sex with men I couldn’t possibly be a lesbian. The real kicker was when she said “I know lesbians, they are horrified by the idea of touching a penis, that’s definitely not you.”